Staying British In The Face Of Defeat

So, another title shot, another loss. Another compilation of soul destroying images burnt forever into the retinas. It'll be a long time before we forget the sight of Nick Diaz dragging the camera towards Paul Daley to televise his struggle getting onto the stool to receive medical attention. Deplorable, of course...

...And yet, pride. As with every British sporting defeat there was that overwhelming stirring of national pride. The kind that has you on your feet, single tear running down the cheek as you struggle to remember past the first few lines of 'God save the Queen' *. It's that semi-satisfying sensation that only comes with being a plucky runner-up (not to be confused with quarter-final-exit-dejection). To put it into perspective: it's the difference between Dan Hardy Vs. GSP and Dan Hardy Vs. Carlos Condit. We may not have won the belt, but we won the hearts of those watching. It's a singularly British feeling that comes with years upon years of national practice at falling at the last hurdle or just before that, even.

I, for one, am f***ing sick of it.

'He came so close!'

'If only!'

'Early stoppage!'

I welcome the day when I have no need to use these tired, defeated, 'nearly man' exclamations. We're 0-2 in major title fights and potentially a long way from the next one (sorry Count, we both know it's true). Until the day Rob 'The Bear' Broughton takes his rightful place upon the reinforced heavyweight throne, it's going to be one hell of a dry spell.

So what now? Learn some takedown defence? We finally find the man willing to stand with a 'classic British striker' and he goes and f***s the whole thing up by being the resoundingly better boxer. Clearly somebody needs to give Mr Diaz a little history lesson on Britain and boxing/striking. Very rude.

With the above cathartic outpourings contenting our strained British souls for now, we at The Phantom Knee salute you Mr Paul Daley for being the closest runner-up we've had so far. You truly gave us a genuine 'He came so close!' to scream at our televisions (for those of us who actually paid) and the knowledge that, this time, we actually gave them a run for their money. Even if it was just under one round.

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, we look to the future. Just maybe...





Mr Jimbo Slice

twitter.com/thephantomknee
twitter.com/Mr_Jimbo_Slice

* Of course I know all the words.

TPK Ranger Off Competition: Sonnen Vs. Sheen

It's competition time!

This is your chance to win our exclusive hand made 'Dear Jorge...' t-shirt from our Ranger Off brand. It's 100% hand made, 100% authentic and it 100% sparkles!

Made with fabric pens and glitter glue, we have literally no idea if it will stand up to a decent wash, but we do know it's a one of a kind and sexy as f***.





How do you win? We'll leave you in the hands of our quizmaster Big Stu Furay.


War of Words: Sonnen or Sheen?

Charlie Sheen has been coming up with some lyrical nuggets of pure gold of late, so much so he’s been reminding me of The King of trash-talk himself, Uncle Chael Sonnen. One’s a drug taking, money laundering gangster from Oregon, while the other is a drug taking, prostitute shagging movie star from New York, and below are some quotes from both these nutbags/genii (delete as you see fit), but who said what? Sonnen or Sheen, you decide;

1. “Well, yeah, but I'm tired of being told, "Well, you can't talk about that and you can't talk about that" BULL S.H.I.T”

2. “I will mow you down like autumn wheat, AGAIN!”

3. “Apologize, what? I want you guys DESTROYED. Torn to pieces, laid on an altar in front of a statue of me with golden fangs, and set on fire.”

4. “He couldn’t be more wrong. Does he know anything about business…? He couldn’t have this industry more backwards. It’s shocking that he actually believes and then stands there with his chest out like we should all pat him on the back”

5. “He might be nails, but I’m frickin’ battle tested bayonets”

6. “I’m different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.”

7. “He’s a grown man with earrings. He’s a grown man with saggy pants, pink t-shirts and crooked hats. Go join a gang”

8. “Well guess what, dummy? I've been training really hard since I was nine years old and I still have time to bring interest for people to see me whip your ass”

9. “We work for the pope, we murder people. We’re Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be? What they’re not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people.”

10. "It's perfect. It's awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's scary."

11. “I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.”

12. “As someone with much more experience than him, at a much higher level of competition, I am his superior and his behavior warrants an apology to me. Now you might say that's a bit of abstract reasoning... but there's another reason he better apologize to me first, and it has to do with his own self-interest.”

13. “I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”

14. “Pray to whatever Demon effigy you prance and dance in front of with your piglet tribe of savages that I decide not to CRUCIFY you."

15. “I’m different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.”

16. He’s a stupid, stupid little man and a pussy punk that I’d never want to be like. That’s me being polite. That piece of shit took money out of my pocket, my family’s pocket, and, most importantly, my second family — my crew’s pocket. You can tell him one thing. I own him.”


Email your 'Sonnen Vs. Sheen' answers to thephantomknee@yahoo.co.uk and we will pick a winner from the correct answers.


Competition closes 7/2/2011
Our decision is not only final but DEFINITIVE
The t-shirt is one size only. If you're too fat, that aint our problem. Slim down, champ.

What Michael Did: A Thoroughly British Perspective

Seeing as how certain MMA sites are dishing out a less than even handed treatment of the whole Bipsingate, we figured we'd do the same.

RULE BRITANNIA, GOD SAVE THE QUEEN AND ALL THAT.

We were going to start by saying how we don't IN ANY WAY condone the actions of Michael Bisping at UFC 127. We were then planning on following that up with how we feel HE SHOULD BE DISCIPLINED for spitting at Rivera's corner men and conducting himself in an unprofessional manner.

However, we're sick to death of hearing the campaign against Bisping. Especially from the team that spent so much time mocking him and winding him up in the first place. It's like the kid in your class who spends all day poking fun and flicking bogeys at the geek only to run crying to teacher when the geek starts throwing some punches (and illegal knees).

HE SHOULD BE CUT FROM THE UFC, IT'S AN ABSOLUTE DISGRACE.

OK, just so long as this is made a precedent and we start 'back dating' these sort of infractions. Anyone caught cheating shall be dealt with... Cheick can go for his many, many groin shots, Tito can go for grabbing the fence so flagrantly against Machida, Marquardt for basically the entire Leites fight, Koscheck for the knees that never were and Kenny Florian just 'cos I just don't like his face. Obviously these are completely different offences and I'm clutching at straws somewhat.

Let's just cut the crap and sum it all up shall we:

YOU JUST DON'T LIKE HIM.

He's British, he's confident and he occasionally beats mid-tier opponents. Ultimately he's no more cocky than any of other fighter that claims victory before the fight. Something they all do without fail. The Rangers mocked and wound him up and it backfired. Apparently a pissed off Count is actually a far more dangerous proposition than the point-fighting-decision-winner they may have otherwise faced.


Now, before you angrily pound away at your keyboard to let us know just how wrong we are and how we're condoning the actions of an over-emotional idiot, read between the lines a bit here (the first paragraphs especially). Playing Devil's advocate is hard, seeing from both sides is surprisingly easy. We advise you listen to Jordan Breen's level headed analysis on Sherdog's 127 'Beatdown after the Bell' podcast. We wholeheartedly agree with him.



THIS WAS WRITTEN TO GET A REACTION OUT OF YOU, NOTHING MORE.

The t-shirt however, was from the heart (and meant to be in the spirit of things...) x

'Dear Jorge, Go HARD or Go HOME. Now Ranger OFF!'

Reasons Why British MMA Will Inevitably Overtake The USA

Before you read this we'd like you to a couple of things for us:

1. Take a deep breath.
2. Remember that we are all one and there is no 'us' or 'them' only 'we'.

That said, f***ing bring it on!

Reasons why British MMA will inevitably overtake the USA

By Harry Borovick

Not so long ago, Japan was the world leader in providing MMA fans with blood-fests for the our televisual pleasure. Now, the USA is undoubtedly viewed the leader, not just because of their media dominance through the UFC and Strikeforce, but because there is a perception that their system produces greater athletes for home fans to cheer for. Here are three, unashamedly cliché reasons why British and European MMA has lagged behind but will inevitably overtake the USA in producing quality products.

1. “The Count” Bisping (aka Hendo punching bag) is a prime example of a British MMA fighter who has been beaten by dominant wrestlers despite being a well rounded and arguably better fighter than those who beat him. It is easy to argue Bisping technically is better at clinching and striking than fighters like Dan Henderson. The problem arises when he gets out wrestled, gasses because of this and then lets his hands down (we know what happens next: “limey-mocking”. Therefore clearly the key to already better British fighters doing well internationally is increased wrestling ability, something we're already seeing in fighters throughout British MMA. Surely this means it's just a matter of time till wrestling credentials alone from the US wont be enough to make Brits wet themselves.

2. American MMA fighters come from two American disciplines, wrestling and what the colonials call football. From Bobb Sapp to Ben Askren we see this has been a staple of American MMA since their fighters showed up in Pride. Therefore the Americans have basically one talent; tackling. Brits do this as well, but they do it in a masculine way, without pads, its called Rugby. Because Brits are not overly concerned with this, we produce more well rounded fighters who, from a young age, focus on actual fighting rather than sharing showers with other shoulder-pad-wearing men. Case in point, Dan Hardy. Taekwondo and grappling from a young age. British emphasis on fighting rather than simply running and tackling is clearly going to make us superior in the long run. Need proof? Anyone ever see Bobb Sapp actually striking against anyone who wasn’t an American wrestler? No? Watch him vs Cro Cop, enjoy, thank me later.

3. The final reason is short and simple. Americans don’t have a fighting tradition apart from wrestling. Americans try to claim boxing for themselves. It's not, it's British. Who cares if they claim to produce the best fighters. Anyone who followed Joe Calzaghe will agree, they may have more, but we invented it and we have our fair share of talent. Basically, just because we don't always win at a sport, doesn't mean others can claim it for themselves. British cricket, football and rugby fans will all know what I'm saying. Its just a matter of time 'till proud British history of fighting overtakes the yank arrogance of stealing British national identity.

Basically, Britain's closing the gap.

(Extra note: This entire article is a waste of time because we all know Brazilians just end up beating everyone)



We warned you...