The New Obsession

Dana White has something on his mind, or so Mr Sean Peconi says...


Obsession: The domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.

Fedor.

The name resonates in the head of every MMA fan around the world. “The Last Emperor”, a fighter with such an aura and fan base that he will be remembered forever in the legacy of MMA.

A man that for a time became the self proclaimed “Obsession” of Dana White.

Dana White had an idea; a UFC with Fedor on the roster. An image that Fedor would lead the pack in the heavyweight division for years to come. A desire that he would be so dominant in the division that once Brock Lesnar cleaned it out, he would need someone to take on his newly popularized 'Goliath' and send him to the slaughter.

But Fedor said no.

Cue Dana White rants about difficult negotiations, Russian buffets and the Mafia.

Fast forward to October 23, 2010.

A heavy underdog, Cain Velasquez enters the ring with the giant, staring him down in the epic David versus Goliath match it was hyped to be.

David wins, Goliath goes hunting.

Cue Dana White stink face, the guy just can't win.

On the other side of the world, Alistair Overeem is a heavy favorite to win the K1 Championships in Japan on December 11th of this year. Apparently Dana White doesn't care. Put Overeem on your top ten pound for pound list? Dana doesn't care about that either. But let's look at the history here; Fedor said no, and that's when Dana really put the heat on him. “He doesn't want to fight the best”.

The same is happening with Alistair Overeem. It's no secret that Overeem has only a few more fights on his Strikeforce contract and by the looks of things, Dana is on track to bring him in. Dana loves to tell us that people need to be “Fight fans”, that we need to respect the sport on an unparallelled level and that it will take MMA fans to the pinnacle of sport fandom. Why is it then that he openly criticizes Overeem for doing K1? Why would he not have him in the top ten pound for pound rankings in MMA?

If Alistair Overeem wins the K1 Grand Prix in December there will be no doubt as to him being the best striker in the world, not even Dana White can dispute that. Put in a successful title defense against the next challenger to his Strikeforce belt, and Overeem could be the one Dana White dreams about at night very soon.

So if past behavior is any indication of what is to come in the future (Thanks Dr.Phil) why even discuss Alistair Overeem at all? Why go through the same punishment, agony and possible defeat with him that was done when negotiations with Fedor were the hot topic in MMA?

Because Dana White has an obsession. An idea that the undefeated Overeem in Strikeforce will lead the pack in the UFC heavyweight division. An image of the current UFC heavyweight champion going against one of the most skilled K1 competitors in the current day. And finally, a desire to make the UFC Heavyweight champion and Alistair Overeem the super fight that Brock Lesnar versus Fedor Emelianenko was supposed to be.

The Long Of It: UFC 123

We watched it, re-watched it, mocked it, argued over it and watched it again. Enough time has passed for us to digest what happened at UFC 123, but not enough to fully digest our 'Hughes' Hunter Pie'. Much of that still lingers...

Enough about our troubling bowel movements, we'll leave you in the capable hands of Mr Shayne Grier as he gives you the long of it.

UFC 123 after-MATH(s)


Lyoto Machida

Problem: Machida's style.


Yes, it is elusive, smart, and strategic. However, eighty-five percent of the time it's about as fun to watch as a pickle rolling down a grassy knoll. Every other fighter has figured out the pattern that is, "The Chida". Side-step, side-step, faint a jab, stutter step, flying knee/punch combo, rinse and repeat. Anyone with half the patience of a Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen will be able to implement a game plan to get the decision victory.

Solution: Make him fight in an Octagon with a 12 ft diameter instead of a 30 ft one.


This way, he will be so conditioned to fighting in a smaller space that as soon as he takes two to three of those Karate back steps, he will think his back is against the cage. He will then clinch and attempt one of his trademark Karate/Sumo throws. Not only will this confuse and disorient his opponent it will make for an instant classic within the first ten seconds of every fight. The most dangerous fighters are the ones with their backs against the cage. Just ask Kimbo Slice; Oh, wait, maybe that isn't the best example.


B.J. Penn

Problem: Baby Jay's road back to Georgie Porgie.


Can B.J. Penn beat most Welterweights? Absolutely. Can he beat George St. Pierre? Never. Don't get me wrong, Mr. Penn is one of the best fighters in the history of the sport, I just don't see how, even on his best day he could stop the takedowns of the handsome Canadian Snuggie. I would love nothing more than for Penn to destroy a few of the Welterweights the UFC puts in front of him. Once he gets that shot we can only hope G.S.P. has suffered another "Serra" and isn't the opponent the Baby has to Hula dance for the title.

Solution: Surgically amputate his left leg below the knee.


Being twenty pounds lighter, Penn could make the drop to the UFC's newly forged Bantamweight division and wreak some havoc. Even with only his right leg B.J. would dominate the lollipop kids of that division. We all know how amazing he is at hopping around on one leg to defend take-downs, this solution would just cut out the middle man.


Judging

Problem: Um, the Judges


50% of people say it is spot on 100% of the time and the other 50% say it is way less than that. After studying the judges criteria for judging a fight there is no wonder to the reasons why judges see fights differently. Sure there are four main categories in the judging of a fight; clean strikes, effective grappling, octagon control, and effective aggressiveness. Seems simple enough except for the fact that within those categories there are TWENTY sub categories the judges are to be watching for during the fight. Seems pretty convoluted to me. Add that to the fact that 50% of the judges don't even know what the word convoluted means (SEE: Cecil Peoples), how can we blame them? We should blame the criteria for its Matrix like storyline.

Solution: Referees judge bouts


Have two referees who are not officiating the bout judge it from the ring apron on opposite sides of the cage and the final judge is the referee inside the cage. There should be no other group of individuals who are better suited to see who has actually won the fight. Most referees train, or have trained, in some form of mixed martial arts and are completely aware of all aspects of the fight game. How many sanctioned MMA judges can say that? Yes, I'm looking at you Nelson Hamilton! If this brilliant idea fails then we just abolish all judges, go old school on this Mofo, and have them fight like they're on the middle school playground; Fight until one opponent says 'uncle' or has to go home for dinner.


Final Pluses and Minuses of UFC 123

Plus: Watching Matt Hughes (Once again) ask, "What happened"?
Minus: Falcão's third round audition for the next season of "The Amazing Race".
Plus: Phil Davis inventing "The Mr. Wonderful" submission and crushing Tim Boetsch's arm with it.
Minus: Joe Lauzon's ears not being big enough to save him from the Sotiropoulos kimura.
Plus: Call of Duty: Black Ops being the official sponsor because I am always happy to have a few more noobs to blow up with my RC-XD.
Minus: The time keeper of the Harris vs Falcão fight needing a new monocle for reading seven seconds left as zero.


Our pluses and minuses were as follows:

Plus: Tom Lawlor was undefeated for this entire event.
Minus: So was Josh Koscheck.
Plus: Manly venison in a pie.
Minus: Manly stomach pains.
Plus: It was one of the best overall British performances for a card this year.
Minus: It was one of the best overall British performances for a card this year.
Plus: Hahahaha, Nik Lentz.
Minus: Machida Karate :(

Have we missed anything about 123? Feel free to tell us. We know you want to...

The Rear View Mirror: UFC 123

ABC, we're told, is as easy as 123. But what do we actually know about 123? 'Big' Stu Furay asks the question...

So UFC 123 is consigned to the history books, and what have we learned?

1. Mike Lullo will need a new leg after Edson Barboza practically kicked it clean off. Someone give him Heather Mills' number.

B. Good friends CAN fight each other. Swick, Bones and Fitch take note. Great work Munoz and Simpson.

3. NEVER leave it to the Judges. They clearly get distracted by Arianny being at ringside, and completely forget they are there to score fights. Griffin and Machida take note.

D. Anyone who invents a new submission during a fight, then names it after themself is BADASS!! Mr Wonderful, take a bow. Although I’m not looking forward to The Kockcheck, or The BJ.

5. BJ Penn is BACK!! If anyone knows where he went during the Edgar fights, then answers on a postcard please.

F. And finally, Rampage may be BA, but he’s no longer Badass. Although I think Machida probably let out a little bit of wee when he almost got slammed on his head, a la Ricardo Arona.

In a similar fashion, though without mixing our ABCs and 123s, here's what we gleaned from Saturday night:

1. Although drinking your own piss might make you appear enigmatic, it doesn't actually improve your fighting skills. Inversely, it doesn't make them any worse either.

2. Karo Parisyan is actually mental.

3. BJ Penn has been royally Fitched up!
Shit, we meant F****ed! Bye Bye website.

4. We don't think Paul Kelly deserves a title shot, it's beneath him. Just give him the belt already. He's the Daley Thompson of MMA!


Oh, and that eating red meat at 4 am is a bad idea. More on that later...

The Phantom Knee Official Pound For Pound Rankings

Sadly TPK's campaign for 'Miketober' went largely unnoticed, so this incarnation of the DEFINITIVE pound for pound list takes a look back at the month you misguided people called 'Brocktober'...

10. Roy 'Big Guntry' Nelson
It's amazing what a difference a month can make - in September, Big Roy was rehabbing an injury, prepping for his biggest challenge yet in Shane 'The Gastank' Carwin. Fast forward to November, and Roy Nelson has been embroiled in a casual racism row, he's made bad jokes about Carwin's injury, been booted off the UFC 125 card with no future opponent set, and he's started talking about himself in the third person. "Roy Nelson is the victim of a conspiracy!" said Roy Nelson yesterday.

9. Dan Hardy and John Hathaway
Nothing happened at UFC 120. NOTHING. We were there, so we know best.

8. Diego Sanchez
YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

That slam. You know the one.

YES!

7. Mark 'The Undertaker' Callaway
He's from Death Valley (he's not), he weighs 328lbs (he doesn't), standing 6ft 10" tall (he's not) - could this man be Brock Lesnar's gravest challenge yet? No, he won't be because he's in his late forties and a professional wrestler. The chances of them settling their differences in a UFC cage or a WWE ring are about as likely as Josh Koscheck ever making an appearance in this listing. Why is The Undertaker included here at all? Because about 20 years ago, he used to scare the piss outta me!

6. Nate Marquardt
Never let the fact that your opponent isn't defending himself stop you from unleashing the BEAST. Undeterred by Palhares' girly protests, Nate dug deep to punch his defenceless opponent in the face.

Over and over and over and over.

5. Rob 'The Bear' Broughton
In our humble and entirely unbiased opinions, it's only a matter of time before 'The Bear' claims what is rightfully his: the UFC Heavyweight title. We were bowled over by his sporting decision to gift the first round to an 8"3 Brazilian monster by allowing him 100 uncontested punches to the face. The physique of Fedor and the game-plan of Homer Simpson, there's no stopping this trim youngster.

Oh, he's British? We had no idea...

4. Cheick Kongo
Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short.

3. Michael 'The Count' Bisping
Anyone in doubt of the UK superstar's meteoric rise to Middleweight title contention needs to watch his bout at UFC 120. Displaying his greatly improved striking credentials to devastating effect, including a 'Spirit of Fair Play' award-winning shot to Sexyama's groin. We actually ingest ourselves every time we watch it. Bravo Michael, bravo!

2. J*** F***h
A* e***r, M* F***h h*s m*****d t* w*****e h*s w*y i**o t*e n****r t*o p******n. M***e o*e d*y h*'*l w*****e h*s w*y i**o o*r h****s...


It's unlikely.

1. Tom 'Title Shot' Lawlor
The unbeaten streak that stretches back to May now includes a win! Apparently at the cost of some real effort at the weigh-ins. We loved his Art Jimmerson, truly we did, we just found the costume lacking. On the plus side, he resisted the urge to paint himself brown...good call.



Looking back at this, anyone would think the Brits were on top in 'Brocktober'. Either that or the people writing the list were British...