Staying British In The Face Of Defeat

So, another title shot, another loss. Another compilation of soul destroying images burnt forever into the retinas. It'll be a long time before we forget the sight of Nick Diaz dragging the camera towards Paul Daley to televise his struggle getting onto the stool to receive medical attention. Deplorable, of course...

...And yet, pride. As with every British sporting defeat there was that overwhelming stirring of national pride. The kind that has you on your feet, single tear running down the cheek as you struggle to remember past the first few lines of 'God save the Queen' *. It's that semi-satisfying sensation that only comes with being a plucky runner-up (not to be confused with quarter-final-exit-dejection). To put it into perspective: it's the difference between Dan Hardy Vs. GSP and Dan Hardy Vs. Carlos Condit. We may not have won the belt, but we won the hearts of those watching. It's a singularly British feeling that comes with years upon years of national practice at falling at the last hurdle or just before that, even.

I, for one, am f***ing sick of it.

'He came so close!'

'If only!'

'Early stoppage!'

I welcome the day when I have no need to use these tired, defeated, 'nearly man' exclamations. We're 0-2 in major title fights and potentially a long way from the next one (sorry Count, we both know it's true). Until the day Rob 'The Bear' Broughton takes his rightful place upon the reinforced heavyweight throne, it's going to be one hell of a dry spell.

So what now? Learn some takedown defence? We finally find the man willing to stand with a 'classic British striker' and he goes and f***s the whole thing up by being the resoundingly better boxer. Clearly somebody needs to give Mr Diaz a little history lesson on Britain and boxing/striking. Very rude.

With the above cathartic outpourings contenting our strained British souls for now, we at The Phantom Knee salute you Mr Paul Daley for being the closest runner-up we've had so far. You truly gave us a genuine 'He came so close!' to scream at our televisions (for those of us who actually paid) and the knowledge that, this time, we actually gave them a run for their money. Even if it was just under one round.

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, we look to the future. Just maybe...





Mr Jimbo Slice

twitter.com/thephantomknee
twitter.com/Mr_Jimbo_Slice

* Of course I know all the words.

The Phantom Knee Official Pound For Pound Rankings

Sadly TPK's campaign for 'Miketober' went largely unnoticed, so this incarnation of the DEFINITIVE pound for pound list takes a look back at the month you misguided people called 'Brocktober'...

10. Roy 'Big Guntry' Nelson
It's amazing what a difference a month can make - in September, Big Roy was rehabbing an injury, prepping for his biggest challenge yet in Shane 'The Gastank' Carwin. Fast forward to November, and Roy Nelson has been embroiled in a casual racism row, he's made bad jokes about Carwin's injury, been booted off the UFC 125 card with no future opponent set, and he's started talking about himself in the third person. "Roy Nelson is the victim of a conspiracy!" said Roy Nelson yesterday.

9. Dan Hardy and John Hathaway
Nothing happened at UFC 120. NOTHING. We were there, so we know best.

8. Diego Sanchez
YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

That slam. You know the one.

YES!

7. Mark 'The Undertaker' Callaway
He's from Death Valley (he's not), he weighs 328lbs (he doesn't), standing 6ft 10" tall (he's not) - could this man be Brock Lesnar's gravest challenge yet? No, he won't be because he's in his late forties and a professional wrestler. The chances of them settling their differences in a UFC cage or a WWE ring are about as likely as Josh Koscheck ever making an appearance in this listing. Why is The Undertaker included here at all? Because about 20 years ago, he used to scare the piss outta me!

6. Nate Marquardt
Never let the fact that your opponent isn't defending himself stop you from unleashing the BEAST. Undeterred by Palhares' girly protests, Nate dug deep to punch his defenceless opponent in the face.

Over and over and over and over.

5. Rob 'The Bear' Broughton
In our humble and entirely unbiased opinions, it's only a matter of time before 'The Bear' claims what is rightfully his: the UFC Heavyweight title. We were bowled over by his sporting decision to gift the first round to an 8"3 Brazilian monster by allowing him 100 uncontested punches to the face. The physique of Fedor and the game-plan of Homer Simpson, there's no stopping this trim youngster.

Oh, he's British? We had no idea...

4. Cheick Kongo
Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short. Je ne dois pas tenir les short.

3. Michael 'The Count' Bisping
Anyone in doubt of the UK superstar's meteoric rise to Middleweight title contention needs to watch his bout at UFC 120. Displaying his greatly improved striking credentials to devastating effect, including a 'Spirit of Fair Play' award-winning shot to Sexyama's groin. We actually ingest ourselves every time we watch it. Bravo Michael, bravo!

2. J*** F***h
A* e***r, M* F***h h*s m*****d t* w*****e h*s w*y i**o t*e n****r t*o p******n. M***e o*e d*y h*'*l w*****e h*s w*y i**o o*r h****s...


It's unlikely.

1. Tom 'Title Shot' Lawlor
The unbeaten streak that stretches back to May now includes a win! Apparently at the cost of some real effort at the weigh-ins. We loved his Art Jimmerson, truly we did, we just found the costume lacking. On the plus side, he resisted the urge to paint himself brown...good call.



Looking back at this, anyone would think the Brits were on top in 'Brocktober'. Either that or the people writing the list were British...