TPK Ranger Off Competition: Sonnen Vs. Sheen

It's competition time!

This is your chance to win our exclusive hand made 'Dear Jorge...' t-shirt from our Ranger Off brand. It's 100% hand made, 100% authentic and it 100% sparkles!

Made with fabric pens and glitter glue, we have literally no idea if it will stand up to a decent wash, but we do know it's a one of a kind and sexy as f***.





How do you win? We'll leave you in the hands of our quizmaster Big Stu Furay.


War of Words: Sonnen or Sheen?

Charlie Sheen has been coming up with some lyrical nuggets of pure gold of late, so much so he’s been reminding me of The King of trash-talk himself, Uncle Chael Sonnen. One’s a drug taking, money laundering gangster from Oregon, while the other is a drug taking, prostitute shagging movie star from New York, and below are some quotes from both these nutbags/genii (delete as you see fit), but who said what? Sonnen or Sheen, you decide;

1. “Well, yeah, but I'm tired of being told, "Well, you can't talk about that and you can't talk about that" BULL S.H.I.T”

2. “I will mow you down like autumn wheat, AGAIN!”

3. “Apologize, what? I want you guys DESTROYED. Torn to pieces, laid on an altar in front of a statue of me with golden fangs, and set on fire.”

4. “He couldn’t be more wrong. Does he know anything about business…? He couldn’t have this industry more backwards. It’s shocking that he actually believes and then stands there with his chest out like we should all pat him on the back”

5. “He might be nails, but I’m frickin’ battle tested bayonets”

6. “I’m different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.”

7. “He’s a grown man with earrings. He’s a grown man with saggy pants, pink t-shirts and crooked hats. Go join a gang”

8. “Well guess what, dummy? I've been training really hard since I was nine years old and I still have time to bring interest for people to see me whip your ass”

9. “We work for the pope, we murder people. We’re Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be? What they’re not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people.”

10. "It's perfect. It's awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's scary."

11. “I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.”

12. “As someone with much more experience than him, at a much higher level of competition, I am his superior and his behavior warrants an apology to me. Now you might say that's a bit of abstract reasoning... but there's another reason he better apologize to me first, and it has to do with his own self-interest.”

13. “I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”

14. “Pray to whatever Demon effigy you prance and dance in front of with your piglet tribe of savages that I decide not to CRUCIFY you."

15. “I’m different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.”

16. He’s a stupid, stupid little man and a pussy punk that I’d never want to be like. That’s me being polite. That piece of shit took money out of my pocket, my family’s pocket, and, most importantly, my second family — my crew’s pocket. You can tell him one thing. I own him.”


Email your 'Sonnen Vs. Sheen' answers to thephantomknee@yahoo.co.uk and we will pick a winner from the correct answers.


Competition closes 7/2/2011
Our decision is not only final but DEFINITIVE
The t-shirt is one size only. If you're too fat, that aint our problem. Slim down, champ.