UFC 129: Hematoma

We've seen enough of Mark Homick's head to last us a lifetime, so we're passing you over to Mr Shayne Newton Grier.

George St. Pierre vs Jake Shields (Welterweight Title Fight)

As this fight grew ever closer the UFC tried tirelessly to try and make the general fan base believe that Shields had some sort of chance to beat the champ. With MMA being such a fickle mistress, there is never a guarantee for any fighter to win. The one thing I knew with 100% certainty is that with both Shields and GSP being in love with smothering opponents on the ground, the fans were going to be treated to, "Some Serious Siamese Snuggie Smothering". The four S's, as the "Super Seagal" calls it. All trademarks are giving and received by Master S.S.

However, even guarantees have fine print, and this one reads: This guarantee is null and void if both fighters decided they can be more boring without the use of any Snugging!

GSP wins via another five round dominating snore fest. Shields never landed anything significant except for a nice stiff eye poke that destroyed Pierre's left eye. Supposedly this is the reason George couldn't finish off Jake. The true reason why he never finished him is because, of this...

Greg Jackson's Striking Strategy For GSP:

Soft jab

Soft jab

"Liddell-esque" Overhand right

Soft jab

Soft jab

"Koscheck-esque" Overhand right

Soft jab

Soft jab

Slightly harder jab

Soft jab

"Fedor-esque" Sloppy Overhand right

Where in the world were the hooks, the uppercuts, or even the undercuts? Or at least a good set-up for the horrible looking overhand rights he was throwing every 3rd or 4th punch. I can't even recall him throwing a hook or an uppercut. Really? I mean, really?

Problem: GSP Simply Dominates

Now, it's not that he dominates to finishes. No, no. That hasn't happened in a very long time. He just beats guys up in such a way that he wins every round and looks pretty untouchable doing it. This wouldn't be such a problem if he could finish the fight, but every fight ends with a fairly uneventful decision win for Mr. "Rush". Which makes for a very unmarketable fighter...

Solution: Bring On The Champ

The only fight that makes sense after another sleeper with GSP, is to have him fight a champ that only "Brings it!"

That's right, bring on Nick Diaz. Out of Nick Diaz's last 16 fights, only 3 have gone to decision and out of those, he has won 14 of them. To be fair if you look at the last 16 fights for GSP, he actually has a better or equal track record of finishing foes, but ever since he got pummeled by Serra, he always wants to play it safe.

The point I am making is: Diaz is the only man that will make GSP fight the fight we all know he can because for some reason, the men who fight GSP as of late can't get past his mystic of dominance.

Nick Diaz will cut the UFC champ's angles off with his FAR superior boxing, then, if GSP wants to go the ground (which he will not), he'll have to show he is not the color belt in BJJ that his trainers have given him.

Could Georgie beat Diaz? Sure. But only with the level of boring Snuggie action that we have come to expect from "The Fighter Formerly Known As Rush". Diaz would never, and I mean NEVER let him play that game. He would keep scrambling for submissions making it a very entertaining fight; while it lasts. Nick will make GSP work until he finally makes a mistake and then it's over.

Jose Aldo vs Mark Hominick (Featherweight Title Fight)

Jose Aldo or as the completely inept commentary team that the UFC has on their payroll calls him, JOE-SAY Aldo. I have been watching Aldo since he was first in the WEC and I have never heard anyone call him JOE-SAY. So, either is HO-ZAY has changed the pronunciation of his first name for his UFC debut, or (See: The Cheech and Chong Award at the end of the article).

I honestly thought that Aldo had this fight in the bag early in the fight, and then at the end of round one something changed the outcome of the entire fight.

(The Giant Horrible Disgusting Hematoma on top of Hominick's forehead)

Most would assume that a giant clotting of blood hijacking someone's forehead during the course of a title fight, whispering into their brain, "Dude we are having some serious issues here" would make THAT fighter say, "I'm out". Not Hominick! This dude is a fighter to the core of his existence. He kept fighting for FOUR more rounds with, as my homeboy T AND A said to me: "That looks like the baby on the forehead of Nurse Gollum from South Park". Yeah, look it up. Completely accurate. That thing was a baby looking to breach it's father's right eye!

Aldo faded heavily in the 5th and final round. Hominick was laying down some really heavy ground and pound in the fifth and final round. If this had gone to a sixth round, Aldo would have lost his title.

Aldo wins via decision in a very entertaining and hard to look at hematoma, I mean fight.

We learned a few things from this fight:

1: Mark Hominick does not say, "I quit" for ANYTHING! Big props for that, homie!

2: I hate looking at Hematomas. They are gross to the "Heehaw! Maximum!"

3: JOE-SAY Aldo is human.

4: I really bet chicks dig the scar on Aldo's face.

5: Hominick will beat Aldo in a rematch.

6: The featherweight division is very exciting!

7: I REALLY hate looking at Hematomas!!!

Randy Couture vs Lyoto Machida (Loser Leaves UFC Fight)

I was looking forward to this fight ever since it was announced. The basis for any great MMA fight is a fantastic style match up and these too styles (Karate/BJJ vs Wrestling Legend) this was bound to be a classic. With Machida on a two fight losing streak it seemed as if another loss meant "Exit the Dragon".

The first round was very exciting and had some great exchanges between these two warriors. Machida used his patented jumping knee to the body a few times as Randy tried to get a hold of him. Then there were a few great scrambles as Lyoto used his elusive footwork to avoid being pushed against the cage. Couture was working hard to find a way to get into some dirty boxing exchanges or clinch action against the cage, but it was to no avail.

As the second round started it looked like we were in for another fun round with two fairly evenly matched warriors. Then this two-on-two match turned into a triple threat match when Master Steven Seagal decided to yell, "Machida, use the kick". Lyoto's soul heard his masters cries and delivered a jumping front kick directly onto the jaw of Randy Couture. "The Natural's" eyes rolled back into his head and he fell straight backwards slamming his head into the mat; Lights out!

During the post fight interview, Machida gave full props to his father and Steven Seagal for teaching him the front kick. Oh man, does Steven Seagal really need his ego inflated anymore?

Pros and Cons:

Pro: Getting to see a second front kick KO!

Con: The retirement of Randy "Captain America" Couture.

Pro: The return of the Machida Era.

Con: The return of the Machida Era!

UFC 129 Awards:

The Hashim Rahman Award:

Winner: Mark Hominick - For continuing to fight his heart out even though it looked like his brain was trying to escape his forehead. Hematoma, Hematoma on my face, who's the ugliest of them all? Oh, and on a side note: Never type Hematoma into Google images. NEVER!

The "Look What I Can Do!" Award:

Winner: Pablo Garza – For submitting Yves Jabouin with a flying arm triangle at the end of round one. Ryo Chonan, eat your heart out!

The “Snots” The Dog Award:

The Winner: Jake Shields – For looking like a horny desperate dog humping a leg when he shot in for every one of his takedowns against GSP. A horny desperate weak rabid malnourished stray mutt of a dog.

The Back To The Future Award:

Winner: John Makdessi – For knocking Kyle Watson out with such a viscous spinning backfist that when he woke up he was in 1955.

The Secure In His Own Masculinity Award:

Winner: Mike Goldberg – For saying during the Ben Hendorson vs Mark Bocek fight. "Look at the legs of Ben Henderson. They are so muscular, tight, and epically awesome".

The E. Honda Award:

Winner: Jake Ellenberger – For knocking out Sean Pierson with one punch, then connecting with another one hundred punches (Actually 6 or so) before Pierson hit the mat and Herb Dean could stop the fight.

The Judas Award:

Winner: Toronto – For not one person in the crowd giving any kind of kind of response when, in his post fight interview Ben Henderson says: "Toronto, can I Get an Amen?". Even the Canadian crickets were like, "No" when Benson gave his shout out to God. Just so you now Toronto. I'm just saying!

The Cheech and Chong Award:

Winner: Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg – For, as of late, making less and less sense when they jabber off.

The following transcript is true and complete accurate and has not been altered for the benefit of George Carlin:

Mike Goldberg - Speechless at times when you just kind of look around at the crowd here tonight...

Joe Rogan - Yeah we might not stop. We might start stop. Stop talking somewhere in this, just because of that.

Mike Goldberg – Yeah!

The Master Of All That Is Everything Award:

Winner: Steven Seagal (Takeshigemichi) - For just EVERYTHING he is and will always be. A 7th degree aikido black belt. A blockbuster action star. A father. A dojo master. A police officer. A TV star. The first baby to ever do Karate (his own words). And a teacher of the most amazing and awesome kick that ever was, or will be!

However there is one thing he does not possess: his memory. During his post fight interview with Ariel Helwani, he could not remember his name (even though he had meet him several times) so he called him, "Interview Man" over and over and over again.

Then when asked by Ariel about the front snap kick he said in a previous interview that he invented and taught Silva and Machida, he stated: "People should not put words in my mouth. I did not invent the kick. I never said that". But he did, a few times. This dude is so hardcore he won't even let himself put words in his own mouth.

$100 Says Shields Wins at UFC 129

Disclaimer - We in no way endorse or encourage gambling.

OK, with that business out of the way - let's have some fun. With UFC 129: GSP Vs Shields almost upon us, it's time for Knee founder Jimbo Slice to put his money where his mouth is. Martin Ives explains...



Thinking back, one of the first UFC bouts I ever really paid attention to involved Georges St Pierre - what really struck me about him was his methodical, no-wasted-motion approach to fighting, and his eye watering budgie smugglers. I decided on that day that I'd never bet against this impressive physical specimen. My dear friend Jimbo has other ideas...

Let's take it back a little, before the Phantom Knee, we were just a bunch of mates getting together, drinking beer, eating meat and watching fighting. My ex-girlfriend used to call it 'Getting your man on' and I suppose it was. The purest celebration of masculinity known to, well, man. Once Jimbo had mastered the art of pulling an all-nighter coupled with all the trappings of 'getting his man on', we started having good natured bets amongst ourselves. Everyone loves a prediction right? - it's a metaphorical cock measuring contest - a battle to the death! I remember at UFC 101, I rather stupidly bet Jimbo £10 that Forrest would beat Silva. 5 minutes later, I ended up handing over £20, as I was so ashamed. The man was like a talisman - he'd get 10/12 predictions right. So once he'd cleaned me out for the last time, we started placing bets online. 50/50 and we'd back his picks. Well, what can I tell you? It all went very wrong very quickly - the luck dried up, and we'd seldom win anything of note. So we stopped. We lost the lucky rabbit's foot.

Fast forward to UFC 121, after Jake Shield's workmanlike victory over Martin Kampmann that saw him declared #1 contender, Jimbo immediately declared that Shields would beat GSP. On the strength of that performance alone, I thought he was mental. Here we are, one week before UFC 129, and he's getting me to look up the odds.

Now, as much as I think it's a bit weird that most pundits are already looking past Jake Shields, and waffling on about a GSP vs Anderson Silva superfight at the end of the year, I still have serious doubts Shields will pull off the upset. He has an amazing record, but he hasn't faced anyone like GSP, he's an underwear model with sick takedowns! However, under his instruction, Jimbo has given me £65 (around $100) to place on Jake Shields. So off to Paddypower.com I go!



His first instruction is £50 on the nose for a Shields win - at the current odds, this will return £225.



Also worth a go at 33-1 was a Shields win in Round 5 - a £5 flutter would return £170.



Unlikely as it sounds, a Shields KO/TKO is 20-1, so a fiver would net you £105. I've never seen anyone get knocked out in a pillow fight, but who knows?!



This is where it gets interesting, as Shields is a submission specialist, the odds on him winning by submission are surprisingly good, £5 at 9-1 odds brings in £50. GSP hasn't been submitted in 7 years.



So, with every avenue covered, the bet is being placed. Best case scenario, Shields wins by TKO in round 5 - Jimbo Slice is £500 richer, and he'd better get the boozes in. Has he got balls the size of watermelons, or is he a deluded fool? Would you click OK? Put it this way, if he wins, he'll be louder than the 55,000 people in attendance at the event!

MMA Conspiracies

Dear faithful followers of The Knee,

Last time I spoke to you I had an idea about the future of one of the most superior heavyweights in the MMA world. For those who haven't read it yet (shame on you!) you can find my first article here:

http://thephantomknee.blogspot.com/2010/11/new-obsession.html

Much has happened since I wrote that article 5 months ago (Wow, time flies) and the MMA world has been shaken up by the most aggressive purchase since Pride being bought.

So my guess that Overeem would make it to the UFC will eventually come true, just in a different way than I expected.

I intend on making this a bi-weekly article series which I will submit to The Phantom Knee entitled "MMA Conspiracies". The series will be based on my opinions and thoughts on the MMA world and hopefully I might actually be right about some of them. The most important aspect of this will of course be you, the reader, giving your insight on the topics I bring to the table, so I hope you will all enjoy it and chime in on the comments section.

This weeks theory:

Nate Marquardt moving to welterweight may be the first sign of Georges St Pierre moving to middleweight, and how this can evolve into a middleweight super fight between GSP and Anderson Silva on New Years Eve.

I first heard about Nate making the cut to welterweight in a tweet made by him advertising an article called "Making the cut: The science behind Nate Marquardt's cut to welterweight". This immediately sparked an interest with me. Why would Nate be cutting to welterweight? He's already a big middleweight who cuts to make 185, why go all the way down to 170? What could be in it for him?

Nate's last few fights in my opinion have been lackluster and he's not getting any younger. The first thing that came to mind is that he's looking to make a title run in the division he feels he can dominate the most. Middleweight is a tough division, with the arguable best pound for pound fighter in the world at the top, who Nate has already fought and lost to. So making a cut to welterweight could be a "path of least resistance" type move for him.

But that did not satisfy my curiosity. Nate is a fighter, he wants to fight the best, isn't that what this is about? So I took to Twitter to do some investigating and get some words from the man himself. What was discussed may surprise you.

Based on what he was tweeting, unable to actually read the article since I was at work at the time I reached out to Nate:

@NathanMarquardt So did you talk to @GeorgeStPierre before doing this? Will you fight him if you get to the top?

@SeanPeconi Read the article:-)


At this point I was on lunch break and able to skim through the article on my phone, looking for the part specifically on GSP. In which Nate says they are not against the idea of fighting each other.

The conversation continued with me replying:

@NathanMarquardt you wont fight george.The way I see this playing out, gsp beats shields, ufc does gsp silva.Gsp goes to middle win-win

Some time passed and I realized if I wanted to get anything out of Nate I had to up the ante.

@NathanMarquardt ill make you a bet on gsp going to middle if he beats shields..if he does you owe me a set of fight gloves autographed by you. If he doesn't ill make a 100 dollar donation to any charity you choose. Deal?

@NathanMarquardt don't be scared homie ;)

A bit of time passes and the offer is accepted.

@SeanPeconi haha! Ok deal:-)

@SeanPeconi well gloves that is:-) I keep my fight gloves:-)

This was beyond anything that I had expected. Not only did I get a response from Nate but the offer was actually accepted!

Going back to the theory..

I just cannot fathom a fighter with as much potential as Nate going to welterweight for no specific reason, there has to be some sort of a game plan behind it. GSP and Nate train together and in the “Making the cut” article it reads that they only spar and train together once in awhile, but I can't help but believe this is about trying to go the way of Ceaser Gracie or Greg Jackson's camps and want to have a number of champions amongst their ranks. It makes sense, the more top fighters and champions you have in your camp the better it is for everyone.

Let's change gears to the second part of my theory that involves George St Pierre making the jump to middleweight:

We now have Anderson Silva's next title defense against Yushin Okami at UFC Rio on August 27th . George St Pierre fights on April 30th, lets do the math because there is yet another theory in it.

Assuming GSP beats Shields on April 30th this leaves 4 months before August 27th. Now let's also assume that Anderson continues in his fine form of dominating the middleweight division, this is where things get interesting as I believe that if the stars align properly with GSP and Anderson winning their title fights respectively, this can create a a middleweight super fight on New Years Eve.

September 1st to December 31st leaves more than enough time for Anderson to prepare for a fight within his own weight class or even a possible catchweight. May 1st to December 31st leaves George St Pierre 8 months to do what he calls "The proper weight gain" to move up to middleweight.

There is a lot going in the world of MMA, some of it business and some of it being what I call "Inter-politics". Is there a chance Nate is making a move to make a run at the welterweight title with all of it riding on George St Pierre's shoulders to beat Shields, then crossing fingers Anderson Silva defeats Yushin Okami? Only time will tell, and like my first theory it may or may not happen the way it is envisioned too.

Thanks again for reading!

Sean Peconi


Don't just take Sean's word for it, here's what 'The Great' himself said about the situation back in November. It's all starting to add up...

http://www.mmafighting.com/2010/11/10/nate-marquardt-stands-between-gsp-silva-dream-fight/

I guess another question could be: Did he jump or was he pushed? Hmmmmmmmm.

10 Reasons why GSP Vs. Silva WILL NOT HAPPEN

GSP isn't scared of Anderson Silva! Of course not. That's a ridiculous notion and certainly not the reason why this fight almost certainly will not happen.

Mr Jimbo Slice looks at the top ten reason why this 'superfight' is mere fanboy fiction:


1. Jake Shields

2. Jake Shields

3. Jake Shields

4. Jake Shields

5. Jake Shields

6. Jake Shields

7. Jake Shields

8. Jake Shields

9. Jake Shields

10. Jake Shields

I'm the kind of guy who likes to put his money where his stupid mouth is. To prove this I will be placing my hard earned cash on Mr Shields and posting up visual evidence of this prior to UFC 129.

Then who knows: maybe we'll be talking about that Silva Vs. Shields super fight?

We won't. GSP will get a rematch and blah blah blah whatever.

The Long Of It: UFC 124

UFC 124: you gave us a new found appreciation for the jab in MMA but left us cold when we realised that was all we were getting. If your opponent has NO DEPTH PERCEPTION you should probably get after him. Just a thought...

We'll leave our bloodlust aside and pass you over to the ever capable Mr Shayne Grier as he once more gives you the long of it.

UFC 124 after-MATH(s)

George “Rush” St. Pierre

Problem: Unable to finish his foes.


No doubt, the dude can fight and he knows how to win. Fact is he hasn't lost a round since the first Koscheck fight. I for one have been hating on GSP for several years now because of his “Wet Quilt” like approach to fights. But there is a factor we all seem to be forgetting, the men he battles don't get finished, not by him, not by anyone.

Let's take a quick look at his last five opponents leading up to their clash with the Canadian one. Josh “The Fraggle” Koscheck had not been finished since 2005 (15 fights) and no, I do not count the Paula Thiago early stoppage, because that is what it was, EARLY. Dan “Once Iron Jaw” Hardy had not been finished since 2005 (23 fights). Baby Jay “The Hawaiian Cowboy” Penn actually was finished by GSP, but in his entire career (24 fights) only one other man was able to finish him. Thiago “Overweight” Alves had not been finished since 2006 (11 fights). Which leads us into the last on our list, Jon “Wolverine” Fitch was only been finished once, yes, once, and that was in 2002 (26 fights). Don't blame the Canadian if every man that stands across the cage from him is auditioning for the role opposite of Samuel Jackson in Unbreakable 2.

Solution: Bring in a ringer


Most of these neanderthals crying about “Rush” not finishing his foes don't watch Japanese MMA. Actually I would dare to bet that this group of casual fans doesn't even know there are other promotions outside of UFC and Strikeforce. My solution is simple, bring in Kazushi Sakuraba, bill him as the legendary Gracie killer and former UFC Japanese Heavyweight tournament winner. I can already hear the Jabberwocky rising as we see George flatten Saka via reverse flying Superman punch four seconds into the fight. If this doesn't work, have Kenneth Allen (Look him up) come out of retirement and hype the fight as, “The comeback story of the millennium”.


Trash Talking

Problem: Fake Hype.


In the ring after GSP took him to Boxing 101 school Josh Koscheck said, and yes I am paraphrasing:

I just want you to know (Crowd) that I love this city. No hard feelings? I mean, truth is, everything I said and did on the show was to hype the fight. I don't hate this guy, look at him, I mean look at him, who could hate him? As a matter of fact, George is a respectful, hardworking, always improving, compassionate, funny, charismatic, overall perfect champion. I feel privileged just to have been able to share the same air as him for the taping of The Ultimate Fighter.

So, before their fight Josh says and does things that would make you think GSP was the boy in elementary school that took his lunch money everyday. Then immediately after he gets battered for five rounds he's hanging on his nuts harder than Scrat from Ice Age. The emotional turnabout was so epically appalling that I could barely even keep my midnight snack (Goat Cheese Nachos) from resurfacing. Before, I thought Koscheck was an ignorant loud mouth Cacafuego. Now, I know he's a phony arrogant double faced Microphallus.

Solution: Ambiguous Hype.


Nothing was better than knowing Ken Shamrock and Tito Ortiz truly hated each other. There was no, “It was all talk. We were just selling the fight”. They didn't hug each other, they didn't shake hands, they didn't even want to be in the same cage as one another unless they were smashing knuckles. Or so it seemed. Some rumors say it was fake (Why would Ken get so mad just because Tito flipped the Lions Den the bird?). Some rumors say it was real (I'd be mad for a decade too if that big headed “Huntington Beach Albino” threw up the middle man in my general direction).

Truth is, no one knows the truth. Why ruin a perfectly good heel vs face showdown by telling the world it was a work? Let our imagination believe it was real, let us for a second, live our lives vicariously through these grudge matches. If the fighters blatantly deny the “Kayfabe” after the fact, then all we are left with is two amazingly talented athletic warriors risking life and limb to entertain us, and that's just lame.


Frankie Edgar

Problem: He's Champion.


(See above)

Solution: Jim Miller.


(See above)


Final Pluses and Minuses of UFC 124

Plus: Josh's eye after “Jab Fest 2010” looking like the augmented lips of Angelina Jolie.
Minus: Joe “Daddy” not being able to regurgitate all that canvas he ate to feed his four kids.
Plus: Natal vs Bongfeldt majority draw. Not because the judges got it right, but because with this draw they are telling all the fans, “Yeah, we'll go there”.
Minus: For the idiot fans not picking the Sean Pierson vs Matt Riddle as the “Fight of the Night”.
Minus: “McLovin” not lovin' how his last three fights have turned out.
Plus: Santa Claus for not stopping the main event when he thought Rudolph was trapped inside JK's right eye and trying to escape.

Our pluses and minuses were as follows:

Plus: The excitement in watching Charles Oliveira bound towards the Octagon.
Minus: Jim Miller.
Plus: The abusive changes to Koscheck's Wiki page (apparently he's an 'American douchbag wrestler').
Minus: Where's our f***ing Wiki page?!
Plus: The spicy nuts.
Minus: The overwhelming level of cayenne pepper in Jimbo's failed 'Sloppy Joe Stevensons'.
Minus: Josh Koscheck's face.
Plus: Josh Koscheck's face afterwards...

As usual, feel free to educate us on where we went wrong. Though we should point out that we've never been wrong in our entire lives x

The Rear View mirror: UFC 124

Xmas is all about getting surprises, so when we asked GSP for a KO this year and got a jouyous 5 round beating instead, we weren't disappointed. Slightly less surprising was that oh-so-familiar feeling of watching the guy(s) we picked to win getting bashed/tapped/humiliated. Ah well, over to 'Big' Stu Furay for a cheeky once-over of Saturday's action.

UFC 124 Expert(?) Analysis

So the trash talking is over, the punches have been thrown and the arguments have been settled. So what are the major talking points from 124 and what have we learnt?

- If you talk trash, you have to be able to back it up. Sean Mccorkle: EPIC FAIL!

- Koscheck: not only are you a second rate trash talker (“Dude, you’re a male nurse!”) you can’t fight very well either. GSP didn’t even break into a sweat!

- Rafael Natal, go back to what you’re good at: playing Tennis.

- Our very own Jimbo Slice is still crying salty tears of despair after Jim Miller derailed the Charles Oliveira hype train. Here’s a quick tip, when someone is trying to knee bar you, don’t just lie there! Try and stop them!

- After living off rice, beans and lentils, how Mac Danzig even has the strength to lift his hands up, let alone generate enough power to knock someone out is beyond me.

- But the real story of 124 was not GSP's pure awesomeness, or Koscheck’s hideous eye, but the amount of Gingers on display! Mark Bocek (Super Ginge), Pat Audinwood (Strawberry blonde?), Jim Miller (Ginger beard) and Matt Riddle (Ron Weasley stunt double?) all fought. Speaking of Ron Weasley, I watched the new Harry Potter film the other day, it’s a bit unrealistic if you ask me, I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?


We've learnt never to get our hopes up for another fighter ever again :( That and when you're screaming 'slay the man-giraffe' at the TV at around 5am, something has gone horribly wrong with your life.

Horribly.