The Knockout Barometer

Knockouts are fun, but what are they worth? Where does a particular knockout register in the grand scheme of things? Mr Brendan Rowe helps us to gauge the impact of a knockout with the Knockout-O-Meter.


The DEFINITIVE Knockout Barometer
Or, the Knockout-O-Meter

We're all honest enough to admit that the only reason we watch MMA is to see somebody get their shit wrecked. If we wanted to see technique, we'd watch collegiate wrestling, Olympic Tae Kwon Do, or the Grappler's Quest tournament. However, in no way do these mediums sate our blood lust: we want to see Jon Jones implode another deaf guy's face, or Rampage drive another Brazilian ten feet into concrete. This is because most of us are nothing but a bunch of cowardly spectators, really. But, there are some that actually train for competition, and to those few, I salute you. With that, here is a barometer to compare your striking ability to.

If you can knock out Andrei Arlovski... then you've got pillow hands. Jake Shields could knock out Arlovski. Aron Ralston could knock out Arlovski, and only with his nub. If this is the best you can do, maybe stick to ground and pound.

If you can knock out Todd Duffee... then you are one lucky sumbitch. Seriously. I sure do hope the concussions and the likeness to Homer Simpson are worth it. If you can knock out Duffee, consider working on accuracy and not getting punched in the face so often.

If you can knock out Stefan Struve... then you've got some seriously long arms. How do you even manage to walk, being so disproportional? The guy is over ten feet tall! If you can knock out Struve, you're somewhat decent, but consider using that 100 inch wingspan of yours to knuckle walk into the cage. You'll scare all the other males, at least.

If you can knock out Keith Jardine... then you're clearly a bomber, although your long-term success may be questioned. Of the few people that have managed to put Jardine in dreamland, only half of them have remained relevant. One lost to Kimbo, the other is forgotten for more likeable Silvas, namely Anderson and Wanderlei.

If you can knock out “Rampage” Jackson... then you must have had titanium implants in your kneecaps. How else could you manage to stop the two-time slayer of the Iceman? Outside of lay and pray, that is.

If you can knock out Antonio Rrrrodrigo Noguiera... then you are either the bane of Brock Lesnar, or his punching bag. Hitting this hard not only means you're more accurate than Fedor, but also that you have more freakish power than Bob Sapp. Rejoice, you're truly a freak of nature.

If you can knock out Kazuyuki Fujita... then you must obviously take steroids. Fujita's body had to develop to accommodate his thirty five pound head, leading to no neck and a physique that screams “NEANDERTHAL!” Fujita's skull is thick enough to survive a nuclear blast, which has caused Japanese scientists to develop fallout shelters synthesized from his bone structure. Knocking him out deserves the Overeem Award for Mindless Violence.

The New Obsession

Dana White has something on his mind, or so Mr Sean Peconi says...


Obsession: The domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.

Fedor.

The name resonates in the head of every MMA fan around the world. “The Last Emperor”, a fighter with such an aura and fan base that he will be remembered forever in the legacy of MMA.

A man that for a time became the self proclaimed “Obsession” of Dana White.

Dana White had an idea; a UFC with Fedor on the roster. An image that Fedor would lead the pack in the heavyweight division for years to come. A desire that he would be so dominant in the division that once Brock Lesnar cleaned it out, he would need someone to take on his newly popularized 'Goliath' and send him to the slaughter.

But Fedor said no.

Cue Dana White rants about difficult negotiations, Russian buffets and the Mafia.

Fast forward to October 23, 2010.

A heavy underdog, Cain Velasquez enters the ring with the giant, staring him down in the epic David versus Goliath match it was hyped to be.

David wins, Goliath goes hunting.

Cue Dana White stink face, the guy just can't win.

On the other side of the world, Alistair Overeem is a heavy favorite to win the K1 Championships in Japan on December 11th of this year. Apparently Dana White doesn't care. Put Overeem on your top ten pound for pound list? Dana doesn't care about that either. But let's look at the history here; Fedor said no, and that's when Dana really put the heat on him. “He doesn't want to fight the best”.

The same is happening with Alistair Overeem. It's no secret that Overeem has only a few more fights on his Strikeforce contract and by the looks of things, Dana is on track to bring him in. Dana loves to tell us that people need to be “Fight fans”, that we need to respect the sport on an unparallelled level and that it will take MMA fans to the pinnacle of sport fandom. Why is it then that he openly criticizes Overeem for doing K1? Why would he not have him in the top ten pound for pound rankings in MMA?

If Alistair Overeem wins the K1 Grand Prix in December there will be no doubt as to him being the best striker in the world, not even Dana White can dispute that. Put in a successful title defense against the next challenger to his Strikeforce belt, and Overeem could be the one Dana White dreams about at night very soon.

So if past behavior is any indication of what is to come in the future (Thanks Dr.Phil) why even discuss Alistair Overeem at all? Why go through the same punishment, agony and possible defeat with him that was done when negotiations with Fedor were the hot topic in MMA?

Because Dana White has an obsession. An idea that the undefeated Overeem in Strikeforce will lead the pack in the UFC heavyweight division. An image of the current UFC heavyweight champion going against one of the most skilled K1 competitors in the current day. And finally, a desire to make the UFC Heavyweight champion and Alistair Overeem the super fight that Brock Lesnar versus Fedor Emelianenko was supposed to be.