2010 MMA Retrospect

We've let the other media outlets have their say and now we're laying down the truths of 2010.

2010 MMA Retrospect
by Shayne Grier

It's hard to recap such an amazing year of the fastest growing sport in the world. But I'll try to give you a few of my favorite fights, KO's, and downright entertaining moments the year of 2010 Mixed Martial Arts has had to offer (Shayne style). I'm sure I missed some of the moments that made this year so amazing, so please feel free to comment and let me know some of your favorite moments and happenings of the last 12 months.


My Top Five Moments of 2010

Five:

As Goldberg called it, “The fight of the century”, of course this comes from the mouth of a dude who also said, “If Jardine's last name were Johnson, the nickname Dean of Mean would make no sense”. So, I say we meet somewhere in the middle and call it one of the most entertaining fights in the history of Mixed Martial Arts. Leonard Garcia vs Chan Sung Jung was not a clinic on how to fight nearly as much as it was a clinic on how to take a punch. If you are a fight fan who enjoys wild haymakers, looping bombs, a complete disregard for technique, and every punch thrown is going for the fences, then this is a fight you'll have saved on your DVR for a century.

Four:

Watching Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos punish Jan Finney until she not only broke her will, but her sternum as well. There is nothing better than watching two hot chicks go at it, just too bad we will never get to see that as long as Santos is champion. The “Cyborg” will be champion as long as she wants to be, because there is no woman on the planet that has even the slightest chance against her. Unless of course Joanie Laurer decides to train some MMA and drop about 35 pounds of plastic surgery. I say lets really prove that our culture is about equality and have Santos fight Gilbert Melendez in a unification bout. At least it would almost be a fair fight, for Melendez.

Three:

Mayhem inducing, well, mayhem. What started as a fun little way for Jason Miller to build some hype around a rematch with Shields turned into a one on fifteen “Bully Beatdown”. You will not see Mayhem throw one punch, however the boys from the Cesar Gracie camp throw 43 punches and kicks (Yes I counted) to Miller's back, kidneys, face, and stomach. But who gets the harshest punishment? Of course the man who obviously was smirking when approaches Shields in the ring. Then to top it all off, Gus Johnson spews even more embarrassment over the issue when he says, “Sometimes these things happen in MMA, a lot of testosterone in the cage.”

Really, I mean, really? I've only seen something similar one other time; In “Pride” when Mark Coleman broke Shogun's arm. Get your facts straight Gus or better yet, stick to commentating basketball and football, where those things do happen sometimes.

Two:

The day the Last Emperor killed his own legacy. No, I wasn't happy in the moment I saw a decades worth of hype die within the clutches of Werdum's Triangle Armbar, but Dana White was. I'm still trying to figure out which is worse, losing to a UFC reject or turning down a UFC contract, then losing to said reject.

One:

Anderson Silva submitting Chael Sonnen after letting him win until there was just the right amount of time left on the clock to do the unthinkable. Yes, I believe that Anderson allowed Sonnen to be the Ike to his Tina for twenty three minutes, then slowly and deliberately the spider lured the politician into his web and suffocated him. What makes this victory even more sweet is that Chael tested positive for steroids after the fight. Losing to Anderson with only 8% of the fight left while hyped up on steroids has to leave him feeling uber flaccid.


Top KO's of 2010

(1) Mike “Mini-Nelson” Russow gets beat down for the entire fight by Todd “Former Prospect” Duffee then, to prove once again anything can happen in MMA, Russow lays Duffee out cold and sends him packing right out of the UFC. Classic comeback, I'd say, if I dare it was, “The Comeback of the Cen-churro”.

(2) Carlos Condit knocking out Dan Hardy was a moment in which I stood up and said, “Whaaaaaaaaaat?”. I was very surprised when Hardy got laid out with that hook and then when I watched the replay and saw Hardy coming at Condit with almost the exact same punch, I could do nothing but be impressed. Talk about beating someone to the punch.

(3) Rich Franklin's “bait and punch” knockout of Chuck Liddell was another one of those moments in 2010 when I screamed at the Television in disbelief. Rich does his Trademark wobble leg dance, Chuck smells blood, then Rich makes him taste his own red blood cells with a short right hook and a quick follow up left.

(4) Joe Warren's unrelenting onslaught to dethrone the once debated P4P great Joe Soto. Warren accomplished three things with that KO. He handed Soto his first loss, he won the Bellator Featherweight Championship, and he proved that Bellator is one of the best fight organizations out there. Look out Strikeforce because Bellator is bringing the heat and they aren't making us pay for Showtime to enjoy great fights.

(5) Maximo Blanco swarming Rodrigo Damm with just about every kick and punch in the Combat Almanac until Damm is left looking like Daniel Day-Lewis in “My Left Foot”. All I can say about this one is, if you haven't seen it, Google it. You will not be disappointed.

(6) Cain Velasquez crushing Big Nog's “Homer Simpson-esque” brain abnormality with several punches that would have knocked out a Buffalo.

(7) Cole Escovedo goes low with a toe kick and then slaps Yoshiro Maeda in the face with a high kick. A double kick of beauty that leaves Maeda to hit the ring with such force that it caused a Tsunami in New York.

(8) Nick Diaz knocking out Marius Zaromskis. Sure it took just shy of forty-five punches to finally finish off “Mini-CroCop”, but just as the famous inventor George Washington Carver has taught us, quantity always wins over quality.

(9) Paul Daley treating Scott Smith to a romantic dinner at “Starbucks”. Can somebody please tell Hands of Steel when he wakes up from that KO that he needs to stop trying to recreate his famous fight with Pete Sell. It's just so, 2006.

(10) Gerald Harris slamming David Branch into the SportCenter top ten. Branch pulls guard on Harris and learns a very valuable lesson; He is not Royce Gracie, and this is not UFC 1.



Final 2010 Awards:

The Sticky Award:

Winner: Paul Daley - For landing one last “Semtex” upside the head of Josh Koscheck's big noggin before packing his bags and heading to the C-List organizations.


The Copyright Infringement Award:

Winner: Chuck Liddell - For stealing “Ace's” catch phrase. “If I'm not back in five minutes...Just wait longer”.


The Russian Mafia Award:

Winner: Fedor Emelianenko - For letting Vadim Finkelstein make it so difficult for organizations to procure his services that we barely get to see you fight once a year. Is he the greatest fighter in the history of the sport? Debatable. Is he the most mysterious? Absolutely.


The Botched Feud Award:

Winner: Brock Lesnar - For being so dazed and confused after getting handed a whoppin' for the ages by Cain Velasquez that he forgets to hype his match with The Undertaker at Wrestlemania 27. Mark Callaway tries to get “The NBT” back on track as he passes by saying “You wanna do it?”, but Brock doesn't even remember his own name at this point, let alone who the mean looking Hell's Angel is that's asking him out on a date.


The Pentennial Award:

Winner: Alistair Overeem - For defending the Strikeforce Heavyweight Championship for the first time in five years, against a man coming off a loss none-the-less. Hey Demolition Man, we all know you are a destroyer, but, can we at least see you defend that farce of a title at least once a year. Pretty please?


The Not-So-Bees-Knees Award:

Winner: Frank Mir - For bringing back the old lethargic post motorcycle accident Mir and still managing to knock out Mirko Filipovic with the weakest knee in the history of MMA.


The Cowardly Lion Award:

Winner: Tito Ortiz - For pulling out of his third fight with Chuck Liddell because of “Back problems”. Listen, Tito we all know you just didn't want to get laid out cold for a third time by the Iceman. It's cool, it's cool, we get it.


The Talk Is Cheap Award:

Winner: James Toney - For wasting his entire training camp leading up to his fight with Couture practicing verbal jabs instead of defending against single legs. Toney did talk the talk, but it is really hard to walk the walk when you're laying on your back with “The Natural” on top of you.


The Street Fighter Award:

Winner: Anthony Pettis - For blowing the minds of every MMA fan by jumping off the cage wall and nearly knocking Ben Henderson out with a move right out of Vega's playbook. In the last minute of the last round of the last fight of the last WEC Anthony Pettis proved that we have just scratched the surface of unbelievable moments in the history of Mixed Martial Arts.


2010? We're already compiling the highlights of 2011. That's how far ahead of the game we are...

Ode to the Journeyman

Mr Brendan Rowe's:

Ode to the Journeyman

The nature of the elite maintains that only a very small percentage of men and women will inhabit the upper echelon. This fact holds true for everyday life as well as sports; in combat sports, it is also a painfully obvious fact. Most boxing-related casualties stem from six-round slug-fests between two journeymen. Journeymen, of course, make up the gristle of competitors in MMA. They are the men we never talk about unless they, through hard work, determination, and luck, beat all odds and amaze us with a reckless display of ability. They tend to win against long odds in such spectacular fashion it almost seems like a rigged match. Why else couldn't they have won sooner and saved themselves from the medical bills? Is it talent or sheer dumb luck? Why don't they break off into the levels of elitism themselves? Why do I keep asking rhetorical questions?

MMA needs its journeymen just as much as society needs its heavy laborers and grocery baggers. Journeymen may find fame eluding them, but they gain note through the rare times that they actually beat somebody. Some journeymen are only mentioned and remembered because they provided that one embarrassing loss on another fighter's spotless record. In this court, journeyman is king.

Randy Couture is lord and master of the journeymen. I expect that many of you, upon reading this, are asking exactly what the hell I'm talking about, but just think about his record. Couture is a mixed bag of wins and losses who is remembered for coming out against long odds and standing his ground against men who are supposed to roll right over him. It isn't his talent that wins him fights and has made him a five-time champion; it’s the grit and determination of a journeyman. Couture, like most journeymen, is consistently at a disadvantage against his opponents (on paper), but always finds a way to win, if not be embarrassed. An opponent of The Natural, Gabriel Gonzaga, is only remembered for his head kick knock-out of Mirko Cro Cop and the ensuing title shot. He has no large fan base or claim to fame otherwise, and falls under the opposite spectrum of the journeyman: the one-shot.

The one-shot journeyman tends to fight his heart out one his way to a title shot, in which he is inevitably and inexplicably defeated. Nearly everybody that Anderson Silva has fought in recent history is one-shot journeyman. Of the last four title defenses, two men are no longer in the UFC (Thales Leites and Patrick Cote), one is fighting one of the Ultimate Fighter winners that we don't care about, and the other is mistaken for some Hispanic guy. However, Anderson Silva has been victimized by the journeyman. Flash back to 2003. Anderson Silva is fighting Daiju Takase, a nobody with a 9-13 record who is only notable through the fact that he once submitted Anderson Silva with a triangle choke, effectively ending the Spider's nine fight winning streak. Otherwise, Takase is a hack. Jump forward to 2004, and Silva is fighting another heavy underdog in Ryo Chonan. Silva smacks Chonan down for nearly seventeen minutes (note: PRIDE FC rounds were ten minutes, five minutes, and five minutes. Sadistic, eh?). Finally, Chonan leaps into a flying scissor takedown and transitions into a heel hook. Silva taps and cries like Forrest Griffin.

What did Anderson Silva learn from his humiliating submission losses? He learned to never keep a man backed into a corner for too long, and he learned to FEAR the submission specialist. Feel free to talk jive about his poor performances against Demian Maia and Thales Leites, but know that those performances stem from the fact that he lost to men who weren’t as recognized as these two. If he hadn’t lost by submission in his past, he might not still be the champion.

Cung Le was a very celebrated Sanshou fighter who held an undefeated record in Sanshou and kickboxing circles. As a mixed-martial artist, he was expected to cruise into an undefeated streak. He learned the hard way about backing a man into a corner for too long. Cung Le had built up a year and a half worth of ring rust pursuing an acting career before stepping back into a cage to regain his abandoned Strikeforce belt. His opponent was a gimme; Scott Smith, a former UFC contender known for taking a beating and somehow snatching come-from-behind victories. Cung Le, like Mirko Cro Cop before him, was expected to sail into an easy victory for a title shot. For twelve minutes, it looked like he would. However, his inability to finish a technically inferior fighter cost him his immaculate record and Cung Le is stopped by a desperate last-attempt flurry. Sure, Cung Le avenged that lost a few months later, but it was proven that he is not invincible. Fighting in the movies is all he does now.

If a fighter is told he is invincible for long enough, he starts to believe it. Fedor Emelianenko had gone from the 21st of May, 2000 to the 7th of November, 2009 with only one loss on his record, and this loss is contended and deserves an asterisk due to the illegality of the maneuver that caused it. Still, Emelianenko was considered by many to be a different breed, a chubby Russian juggernaut that steamrolled over every opponent set before him, regardless of size or odds. In steps Fabricio Werdum. Werdum had won several grappling competitions, including the ADCC, CBJJ, and PAC competitions several times, but was an underdog and had mediocre striking ability. Fedor had fought other jiu-jitsu masters and won in several decision victories (Big Nog twice, Ricardo Arona, Renato Sobral), and was expected to go into his tenth year without being defeated. Believing in his invincibility, he makes a rookie mistake and falls on/pursues Werdum to the ground. One minute and nine seconds into the fight, the juggernaut had been stopped by submission.

As the dust settles and the sun rises, as the blood is cleaned from the cage and the warriors retire to their beds, one man is left holding the torch. The journeyman remains a constant threat to other competitors. What he lacks in natural ability and talent he makes up for with piss and vinegar. The journeyman will take a fight against any odds, even against the elite. He might not always win, he might not put on a good show when he takes a whomping, but every so often, he writes his name in the pages of the sport’s history in spectacular fashion. We expect the Silva’s, the Emelianenko’s, and the Le’s to be great, so much so that their wins don’t impress us in the slightest. What are more impressive are the average men who, by the grace of god, find a way to stop these monsters. It may be the only fights they’re known for, but it sure as hell beats the anonymity of the mediocre.

UFC 125: The Analynopsis

UFC 125 - The Analynopsis (With a hint of Dynamite!!)
by Shayne Grier

Frankie Edgar vs Gray Maynard (Lightweight Title Fight)

One of the most exciting and one-sided first rounds in MMA history started this fight with a bang, then it ended with a draw. When the split draw was announced I felt like Eugene Levy in American Pie when he walked into the kitchen and saw Jim giving that pie the Ol' “Mexican Avalanche”. And by the look on Gray Maynard's face, so did he.

Quickly into the first round Maynard drops Edgar with a hard punch that causes the champ to drop and roll, and for the next four minutes it is just more of the same. Gray drops Frankie several times during the course of this onslaught and some how, some way, Frankie finds a way to survive.

According to Fightmetric Gray threw 47 strikes and Frankie threw 10. So, almost five times as many strikes somehow doesn't warrant a 10-7 round? Then why do we have 10-7 rounds? I would say just for the sake of illegal strikes point deductions, because these moron judges are obviously never going to score a round that way without something like that happening. Dana White said, “10-7 rounds are like Unicorns”. I guess he's right, but I think he meant to say Horses, cause they are missing a point.

There was actually a fight that had a 10-7 round in the UFC and it was Kalib Starnes vs Nate Quarry at UFC 83. I just have to get this straight in my mind, if you complete destroy a fighter for almost an entire round it is a 10-8? However if you run away from your opponent and he does no damage to you during the course of a round, then it is a 10-7? Ugh.

I have to give Frankie Edgar big times props because he proved why he is one of the best fighters in the world by coming back from the beating he took in Round 1. I think the judges scored it wrong, but in the end it doesn't really matter because we get to see Gray Maynard vs Frankie Edgar 3. And that means that there was a draw, but in the end, we are all winners.


Brian Stann vs Chris Leben

The story of Leben's fighting career should be named, “The George Costanza”. Every time it looks like he might be getting close to succeeding, he screws it up by trying to use his chin to block punches. First it was Anderson Silva teeing off on his mug sending his career spiraling down the ladder, and at UFC 125 it was Brian Stann who knocked him completely off the ladder, turned that S.O.B sideways and crippled his future with it.

Leben kept saying he wanted Stann to stand and bang with him, and I knew this was going to be an exciting, quick, and brutal fight. And it delivered, ten fold. Brian Stann was unrelenting with punches dropping Leben over and over until the fatal knee that sent Leben down for the last time. Stann is very similar to Chris, except for the one simple fact that he is way smarter with his punching and blocking (That may be three facts), and he doesn't cry like a baby when he loses (4?). Ooh-rah!


Clay Guida vs Takanori Gomi

Gomi loses via guillotine choke round two. Sounds familiar. I'm sure that Gomi's new years resolution was something about helping to create world peace or to stopping world hunger this year, but it should have been focusing on submission defense. So the key to victory against Takanori Gomi is to get him to the ground, and well, have the ground game just a tad better than the Arizona Cardinals. You would have thought after Nick Diaz “Blazed” into Pride 33 and submitted the once king of the lightweight division, the “Fireball Kid” would actually work on his ground game. Nope, Goku, nope.

Let's look at the other side of this coin, Clay “The Carpenter” Guida. This guy, I mean, this guy. He always amazes me with his bounces, energy, hair, and his caveman looking brother slapping him up before each fight. This fight he used all four to his advantage and it was a thing of mixed martial arts magic. Clay has won three fight of the night awards, two submission of the night awards, a fight of the year award, and is riding a three fight win streak. This is the year of the Guida, I believe he has found his style and he will ride it all the way to the lightweight title.


UFC 125 Awards:


The “86” Award:

Winner: (Draw) Davis, Vera, McKee, and Baroni – They all won a ticket right out of the UFC, don't pass Go, don't look at the ring girls, don't cry to Joe Silva, just pack your bags and find a new home in Strikeforce.

Don't fret fans, because Vera has always been over-hyped, McKee is boring, Davis is over the hill, and Baroni, well, I like Baroni, but he just hasn't ever caught the right MMA wave. Maybe he can go to Japan and fight Sakurabu for the vacant “Dream a little Dream title” in some new promotion.


The Patience Is A Virtue Award:

Winner: Josh Grispi – For not waiting to fight Jose Aldo at a later date. Sometimes you just have to wait, sometimes you just have to breathe. Dustin Poirier capitalized on this lack of patience and I can only assume he meets Aldo for the title in the near future. However, that is why Poirier is not the winner of this award; Because he HAS to now fight Aldo, and only Aldo wins in that situation 99.9% of the time.

The Trapper Keeper Can't Hide This Merger Award:

Winner: Brittney Palmer – For giving all the male fans of the UFC something other than just talented fighters when WEC merged.


The Dude Where's My Title Shot Award:

Winner: Anthony Pettis – For doing the most amazing thing in the history of MMA in the last fight on the last card of WEC and still not getting to fight for a title after that. Dana says he is getting a shot before UFC 125, then at the press conference he still says he is getting it. Then sometime between the hours of 11PM and 12AM he meets up with Jack Bauer and is told to give the immediate rematch to Maynard, for the safety of the U.S.


The Angry White Boy Polka Award:

Winner: Dana White - For repeatedly getting agitated during his post UFC interview with Ariel Helwani. He was angry with the critics, the fans, the coals he received for Christmas, and especially with Steve Mazzagatti. It's not Steve's fault that Silva and Vera were dirty dancing it up in their fight, sometimes dudes just gotta hug it out.


PS:

EXTRA DYNAMITE!!)

The Mark Antony (Lend me your ears) Award:

Winner: Kazushi Sakuraba – For sparing himself another nasty knockout by sacrificing his right ear to the Dynamite!! God's barely two minutes into his bout with Zaromskis. When your only significant win comes from a flash knockout of Ken Shamrock over four years ago, it is most likely time to put your guns away and retire from hunting.

The I Will Reem You Award:

Winner: Alistair Overeem – For making Todd Duffee look like Bob Sapp when he beat him just about two shakes of a lambs tail. I wish Overeem would fight someone of significance so that the world can see the beast he truly is, sadly he will keep fighting tin cans; Next up, Fabricio Werdum.

The Rear View Mirror: UFC 125

Forget the new year, we at TPK HQ are ill. Very ill. So ill in fact that we cancelled our usual legendary fight night gathering in favour of lying in bed, crying salty tears of self pity and hatred for the world.

That's not to say we haven't seen what happened, but probably best we leave it to 'Big' Stu Furay...

UFC 125: Resolution

With the strains of Auld Lang Syne still ringing in our ears, and Jagerbombs still on our tastebuds, UFC kicked off 2011 with the genially titled Resolution. Would this event get 2011 off to a flyer, or would it stink worse than one of my Boxing Day farts? With Edgar/Maynard II as the main event, I had my reservations, which were proved very wrong indeed.

- Marcus 'I'm more Irish than a pint of Guinness on St Patrick's Day' Davis, will surely be doing the River Dance closer to the exit door after to his latest loss to Jeremy Stephens, who proved it only takes one punch to end a fight.

- Brandon Vera will need the number of a good plastic surgeon after Thiago Silva nearly bitch-slapped his nose clean off his face, leaving it more badly broken than my own Resolution not to visit RedTube. Vera's another fighter who is surely on thin ice.

- Phil Baroni's time is surely up after Brad Tavares handed him another loss. With a record of 13-13 overall, and 0-2 since his surprise UFC return, he must be worried for his future. Any man that puts on sunglasses during his introduction deserves a damn good beating.

- Josh Grispi must be thanking his lucky stars that Jose Aldo was injured. If Dustin Poirier kicked his arse that easily, just imagine what Aldo would have done?

- The look of pure bewilderment on Takanori Gomi's face was just class, as half man/half mongrel Clay Guida moshed his way to victory, putting Gomi into a state of hypnosis with his swinging hair before choking him out.

- Brian Stann's first round KO of Chris Leben wasn't as impressive as it first seemed, I mean Leben was probably still pissed from New Years Eve.

- Frankie Edgar's fights last longer than most peoples New Years resolutions, but God himself only knows how he got out of the first round. And I don’t know exactly how they did it, but the judges probably came up with the right result, declaring it a draw in a very close thriller.

- And finally, in the wise and eloquent words of Gray Maynard himself......"Happy Fuckin' New Year!"


You know what we got for Xmas? No, nor do we. We know it's a virus, we think it might be the Brock strain. Still, could be worse, eh?

NICE NOSE MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE.

Judging

The time is December 4th, we're all recovering from the UFC and Strikeforce going head-to-head whilst Matt Lindland, Scott Smith and Babalu are still regaining consciousness. There was something else that stood out from this weekend, however...

Allow Gregg Roach to transport you back to that time (because we were too ill to deliver this when it happened) and look at the truth behind this.


This past weekend, MMA fans were treated to a smorgasbord of bouts from the sport's top promotions UFC and Strikeforce. However, though Saturday night offered an unexpected series of knockouts from resilient underdog Strikeforce ("KO's for X-mas" anybody?), the UFC served up a trademark series of decisions that continued to show the organization's similarly trademark problem with incompetent judging. Namely, Team Jackson fighter Leonard Garcia, already the recipient of a questionable decision victory this year, got the nod over former TUF contestant Nam Phan in a bout Phan clearly dominated . The controversial decision sparked an assault against the UFC, with speculations of bribery and corruption. However, many people, including outspoken UFC commentator, Joe Rogan, downplayed the UFC's involvement, blaming the Athletic Commissions for hiring underqualified judges. But, with the UFC, and former sister company WEC, at the center of most of the judging muff-ups this year, is there not reason to believe that the promotion has some involvement in the supposed "judging epidemic?" A gratuitous glance around the Octagon says "YES!"

And, no, we are not referring to that psycho, Diego Sanchez (though we're sure he would agree with our conclusion). We're referring to the sumptuous smile and ample bosoms of UFC ring-card girl, Arianny Celeste. A quick survey of the UFC's recent judging fiascoes shows no constant judge as the culprit of the contentious calls (though there's a subtle correlation with Cecil Peoples). However, a consideration of other factors reveals one common denominator - Arianny Celeste. This ever-present beauty can be seen floating around the ring at every last one of the UFC's matches called under scrutiny. Machida/Shogun I - Arianny. Brilz/Nogueira - Arianny. Sherk/Dunham - Arianny. Rampage/Machida - Arianny. It is suspected that the past year's influx in faulty calls came in the wake of the UFC's decision to employ only two ring-card girls after UFC 107. This decision to cycle between two girls instead of three is believed to have increased the total amount of time Arianny's delectable body is exposed for all, including the judges, to see. This increased exposure, in turn, caused increased distraction of the judges and increased inattention to the actual fights, which lead to coin-flip calls. Similar to the UFC, the WEC's issues with judging were shown to involve the consistent presence of ring-card girl Brittney Palmer. However, Palmer's effect on questionable calls is smaller than Celeste's, likely because of the WEC's tendency to put on fast-paced, exciting fights that command spectators' undivided attention.

With the UFC's absorption of the WEC and acquisition of Palmer, there's bound to be an even higher influx of knee-jerk decisions. Our proposed solution- keep Chandella Powell as the sole ring-card girl of the Octagon. While statistical analyses revealed that Celeste and Palmer have significant effects on the presence of questionable calls, Powell was proven to have no effect on judges' calls - WHATSOEVER. Thus, with only Powell bumbling around the cage, judges will remain unfazed and fully focused on the fights. In addition, it may be important to note that ancillary analyses revealed that the presence of occasional ring-card girl, Rachelle Leah, showed a slight effect on questionable calls. We conclude that it is probably best if Leah continues to be used sparingly (and in NO WAY is joined with Palmer and Celeste. The projected effect will be too large to ensure competent judging, or attention to the matches at all).

So, is the UFC to blame for its cases of bad judging? In an indirect way, yes. While the UFC may not be at fault for appointing the judges, it is undeniably at fault for employing distractingly attractive women whose mere presence interferes with judges' abilities focus on fights (Maybe now Cecil Peoples can be viewed as less of a hater of leg-kicks, and more of a lover of fine women). We know many readers will find our solution drastic, or even unnecessary, but we must save the UFC, and MMA, from the excess of bad calls that is indisputably killing both. And so, it is time for our young sport to make the mature decision to do away with its lust of luscious breasts and buxom backsides, so we can continue our love of battle-hardened men pommeling one another in the spirit of unadulterated competition.

WEC 53 & THAT moment

We've all seen it, we've all seen it again. Most of us have shown it to our friends in an attempt to show them just how BADASS MMA is. Everyone involved in the sport has deliberated it for some time now, but nobody has asked the real question.

Until now...

Over to 'Big' Stu Furay.

Hollywood itself couldn't have scripted it better. In the very last minute of the very last round of the very last fight on the very last card of the WEC, Anthony 'Showtime' Pettis, in his fight against Champion Ben Henderson, lived up to his nickname in the most amazing style.

Its now known as the 'Matrix Kick', something straight from the movies. A move that will live forever in the memory of MMA fans around the world, be repeated on MMA highlight reels for the rest of history and handed down from generation to generation.

Move of the year, move of the decade or move of the century, call it what you like, it was a moment so stunning, so outrageous and so magical it will probably never be seen again.


So after all this there is only one thing left to be said;


F##k me Bendo, you didn't see that coming, did ya?

The Long Of It: UFC 124

UFC 124: you gave us a new found appreciation for the jab in MMA but left us cold when we realised that was all we were getting. If your opponent has NO DEPTH PERCEPTION you should probably get after him. Just a thought...

We'll leave our bloodlust aside and pass you over to the ever capable Mr Shayne Grier as he once more gives you the long of it.

UFC 124 after-MATH(s)

George “Rush” St. Pierre

Problem: Unable to finish his foes.


No doubt, the dude can fight and he knows how to win. Fact is he hasn't lost a round since the first Koscheck fight. I for one have been hating on GSP for several years now because of his “Wet Quilt” like approach to fights. But there is a factor we all seem to be forgetting, the men he battles don't get finished, not by him, not by anyone.

Let's take a quick look at his last five opponents leading up to their clash with the Canadian one. Josh “The Fraggle” Koscheck had not been finished since 2005 (15 fights) and no, I do not count the Paula Thiago early stoppage, because that is what it was, EARLY. Dan “Once Iron Jaw” Hardy had not been finished since 2005 (23 fights). Baby Jay “The Hawaiian Cowboy” Penn actually was finished by GSP, but in his entire career (24 fights) only one other man was able to finish him. Thiago “Overweight” Alves had not been finished since 2006 (11 fights). Which leads us into the last on our list, Jon “Wolverine” Fitch was only been finished once, yes, once, and that was in 2002 (26 fights). Don't blame the Canadian if every man that stands across the cage from him is auditioning for the role opposite of Samuel Jackson in Unbreakable 2.

Solution: Bring in a ringer


Most of these neanderthals crying about “Rush” not finishing his foes don't watch Japanese MMA. Actually I would dare to bet that this group of casual fans doesn't even know there are other promotions outside of UFC and Strikeforce. My solution is simple, bring in Kazushi Sakuraba, bill him as the legendary Gracie killer and former UFC Japanese Heavyweight tournament winner. I can already hear the Jabberwocky rising as we see George flatten Saka via reverse flying Superman punch four seconds into the fight. If this doesn't work, have Kenneth Allen (Look him up) come out of retirement and hype the fight as, “The comeback story of the millennium”.


Trash Talking

Problem: Fake Hype.


In the ring after GSP took him to Boxing 101 school Josh Koscheck said, and yes I am paraphrasing:

I just want you to know (Crowd) that I love this city. No hard feelings? I mean, truth is, everything I said and did on the show was to hype the fight. I don't hate this guy, look at him, I mean look at him, who could hate him? As a matter of fact, George is a respectful, hardworking, always improving, compassionate, funny, charismatic, overall perfect champion. I feel privileged just to have been able to share the same air as him for the taping of The Ultimate Fighter.

So, before their fight Josh says and does things that would make you think GSP was the boy in elementary school that took his lunch money everyday. Then immediately after he gets battered for five rounds he's hanging on his nuts harder than Scrat from Ice Age. The emotional turnabout was so epically appalling that I could barely even keep my midnight snack (Goat Cheese Nachos) from resurfacing. Before, I thought Koscheck was an ignorant loud mouth Cacafuego. Now, I know he's a phony arrogant double faced Microphallus.

Solution: Ambiguous Hype.


Nothing was better than knowing Ken Shamrock and Tito Ortiz truly hated each other. There was no, “It was all talk. We were just selling the fight”. They didn't hug each other, they didn't shake hands, they didn't even want to be in the same cage as one another unless they were smashing knuckles. Or so it seemed. Some rumors say it was fake (Why would Ken get so mad just because Tito flipped the Lions Den the bird?). Some rumors say it was real (I'd be mad for a decade too if that big headed “Huntington Beach Albino” threw up the middle man in my general direction).

Truth is, no one knows the truth. Why ruin a perfectly good heel vs face showdown by telling the world it was a work? Let our imagination believe it was real, let us for a second, live our lives vicariously through these grudge matches. If the fighters blatantly deny the “Kayfabe” after the fact, then all we are left with is two amazingly talented athletic warriors risking life and limb to entertain us, and that's just lame.


Frankie Edgar

Problem: He's Champion.


(See above)

Solution: Jim Miller.


(See above)


Final Pluses and Minuses of UFC 124

Plus: Josh's eye after “Jab Fest 2010” looking like the augmented lips of Angelina Jolie.
Minus: Joe “Daddy” not being able to regurgitate all that canvas he ate to feed his four kids.
Plus: Natal vs Bongfeldt majority draw. Not because the judges got it right, but because with this draw they are telling all the fans, “Yeah, we'll go there”.
Minus: For the idiot fans not picking the Sean Pierson vs Matt Riddle as the “Fight of the Night”.
Minus: “McLovin” not lovin' how his last three fights have turned out.
Plus: Santa Claus for not stopping the main event when he thought Rudolph was trapped inside JK's right eye and trying to escape.

Our pluses and minuses were as follows:

Plus: The excitement in watching Charles Oliveira bound towards the Octagon.
Minus: Jim Miller.
Plus: The abusive changes to Koscheck's Wiki page (apparently he's an 'American douchbag wrestler').
Minus: Where's our f***ing Wiki page?!
Plus: The spicy nuts.
Minus: The overwhelming level of cayenne pepper in Jimbo's failed 'Sloppy Joe Stevensons'.
Minus: Josh Koscheck's face.
Plus: Josh Koscheck's face afterwards...

As usual, feel free to educate us on where we went wrong. Though we should point out that we've never been wrong in our entire lives x